My trip to the Arctic Ocean has this strangely dual quality of being almost completely private (friends and most of my family unaware) and completely public (openly shared on this semi-anonymous blog).
I think starting this blog is a way to create a protected space where I hope people will be supportive of me and this crazy departure from my conventional life.
It is probably also a way for me to break away from a family dynamic where my beauty queen mother and artist sister dominate everything.
If one of them is in the room, the story will always, somehow, magically end up being about them. (If they are in a room together, it can be like watching a cage-fighting match.)
So, yesterday, I am talking to my sister, Joey (whom I’ve not yet told she can’t come), and she says, “Everyone can’t believe you are dragging me along on this trip to the Arctic Ocean!”
I immediately see how this is going to play out. Everyone will be talking, sharing, and laughing about Joey’s big adventure to the Arctic. Most completely unaware this is something that I have spent innumerable hours quietly planning.
My healing journey of independence is now her hilarious journey of misadventure.
Being the quiet one, I’ve never protested when my mother or sister are spinning circles in the middle of the room. Being shy, it is often almost preferable to me.
But, somehow, this one is different, so an unprecedented protest, “Joey, please don’t make this about you.”
Laughing, “What! You think you can put a lid on Joey! No one can put a lid on Joey!”
Standing my ground, “Joey, this trip is important to me. It is not about you. I am going to go alone.”
Awkward silence and stammering back, “Of course…I’m not… I wouldn’t… I only wanted to capture your journey… to share…”
Not an easy thing for me to say and not an easy thing for her to hear…. but, whew, done.
18 Comments
Jennifer, nicely done. The more you are able to take a stand the more comfortable it will become. It’s like taking that first dive off the HIGH dive into the pool…the first is amazingly uncomfortable, but with each dive it beoomes less uncomfortable, and pretty soon you feel confident, and more powerful. You stood your ground with grace, and directness….congratulations!
Hi Jennifer – Just found your blog through a comment you left on Nomadic Matt’s site, and am SO glad I did! Who doesn’t have an RV infatuation?? Is there anything cooler? I’ve been blogging about my husband’s and my inchoate plans for a traveling life, and recently veered off onto an RV-based path (concept: selling his photos at art shows – why not??). But an Artic adventure? Wow – I’ll be watching!
(Oh, and YOU’RE driving that thing? You are my forever hero. I’m linking to you in my blog – you deserve that and more…)
Nancy @ ShoreDiveLife.com
Dear Clarke – I appreciate your thoughtful encouragement. Despite the dread, I do feel so much better after the conversation…
Dear Nancy – I look forward to reading about your traveling art show on your blog! Thank you for the kind words about mine. ; )
Hello again new friend!
Once again you sound so much like me. My mother and brother are also very narcissitic in that everything in their life revolves around them, and if you have said or done something wrong, they take it on a personal level (even if it has nothing to do with them and everything to do with you!).
Good post, follow your heart no matter what anyone says and we shall meet up “on the road” someday to have lengthy discussions about being us.
Keep up the great blog!
You go girl. Proud of you that you stood your ground. Had a mother just like yours. And a younger brother that still tells me what to do, how to live, and dispenses his own bit of advice to me that is of no worth. Glad you took the plunge and told her…..NOOOOOO!
Dear Karyn – Nice to hear from you. I think it is funny that you are up north and taking your pilgrimage south and I am doing the inverse. (Didn’t I read you are driving to PPL first?) I wonder if there is some meaning in that!
Dear Larry – Thank you. I’ve wondered what it is about me that seems to scream “Please, tell me what to do.” I get it so much, that I start to think it must be something about me… ; )
So uh… do THEY know about the blog?
Uh, no.
But, I have been having quite a bit of anxiety about posting this.
I just *need* for this to be a space where I can really talk openly and not worry about friends and family. If it is found later, then I will deal with it.
(That is also why I don’t have this linked to my Facebook, etc.)
Its going to be an amazing trip. Drive safe and have fun. We also hope to make that trip some day soon….nothing wrong with wishfull thinking lol
cheers!!
You NEED to do this on your own. I can tell in your words. This needs to be for you and I have no doubts that you will end up pulling it off just fine. Sure, you may ding a couple of feelings here and there, but in the end, it will be so worth it. In the end, no one will really even remember that part.
Oddly enough, I had to delete my parents off of my Facebook because they were just simply getting more information about our lives than I felt like they needed to know.
That a girl! Don’t let someone else take your limelight! This is YOUR time to shine! Enjoy!
Dear Gypsy, Wade, and Angie,
Thank you! It is so nice that you read my blog AND that you help to push me along!
I never thought anyone would read this, so it sincerely means a lot.
Jennifer
Good for you! I have a sister that has the ‘world revolves around me’ syndrome and I know it’s tough to have deal with that all the time.
Thank you, Japhy. I love following you go through this process on your blog.
Jennifer
Hey Jennifer,
I’ve been reading your blog for about a week now and I think what you are doing is fabulous. I understand about families. I travel by myself and every time I tell my family about my solo trip they always say to me, “I wish you wouldn’t”. I don’t let it deter me from travel though. You will have an amazing time on your independent journey and meet great people along the way. Thank you for sharing.
Hey Jennifer
If there is a motorhome in PPL Texas next spring that I like on line, we will fly down and check it out!
I can’t wait to follow your adventure, it sounds like alot of fun!
I read that you are travelling through Alberta, that’s my country
Dear Traci – I’m glad you said hello! It means a lot to me when people do.
Do you write about your travels anywhere? I’d love to hear more about your solo adventures.
Dear Karyn – I know I’m repeating myself, but I’m not sure what to make about our inverted pilgrimages. Good luck with the RV search! I think we are on a very similar time table.
Hi Jennifer, I found you from Travels w/ Miranda. WHY are you taking Joey with you on your adventure, if you already know of her inclination to make it about HER? Never mind if you’ve already answered that in another post that I haven’t seen yet; time for me to go back to lurking the rest of your blog now.
Anyway, good to meet another free spirit in the shadow of a “superstar” sister, just sayin. I don’t have my rig yet as I’m still downsizing, but I’m mid-40s, still single, with THREE cats so maybe someday we’ll see each other on the road! Keep up the good work…
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[...] vie to be the center of attention, but she is also very sensitive. But we had the conversation I wrote about and she heard me and was very [...]