My mother quit drinking when I was in the fifth grade.
She gave me lots of warnings about alcohol, explaining that being a drunk runs in her large Irish Catholic family.
Because of that, I have been pretty cautious. I know to limit myself to two drinks and to be very wary of any habitual drinking patterns.
Unfortunately, that drunk gene seems to be kicking in.
If you are not a drunk, here is an explanation for how it works (at least for me):
- Phase One: You are able to have a couple of drinks and stop drinking.
- Phase Two: You are able to have a couple of drinks, but every once in a while you drink until you pass out.
- Phase Three: If you have a couple of drinks, there is a 50% chance that you are going to wake up on your sofa next to an empty wine bottle.
- Phase Four: Just having two drinks is a nostalgic memory.
In the last year, I’ve started to realize I have hit phase three. Trying to prove to myself that I had not, I would have two drinks and one raging thought “I am only having two. I can drink two and quit.” Basically a miserable experience.
Once you’ve crossed into the next phase, there is no going back. That is sort of it. You can quit for five years, but if you go back to drinking, you pick up right where you left off.
So, I guess mother knows best. I think I’ve come to the end of the road on this one.
Countdown: 160 days until I move into my RV!
Countdown: 1 day since I woke up hungover!
12 Comments
Well.. good Monday morning again? ha ha.
Nice Jennifer… using one of Clark’s Comments – “Don’t force me to think about how I am living?”… here we go again post.
Accountability? Truth? Support?… you are laying yourself and topics out there for all to see think talk and comment about. Amazing. Who wants to deal with their demons publicly? Sure seems safe here.
Your blog has a feel, at least for me, that I can really comment honestly on… so here it goes…
First, you might want to get that a little piece of paper with the words Sober – Not Drinking Today – or I can drink whenever I want but choose not to today… that Angie talks about. lol
Second, idk, thats all I got. As most of you know, I am the only one on here that shares some DNA but fortunately I didn’t get that gene.
However, alcohol negatively affects my health and I had “quit” drinking last Saturday night, until last night when my “not boyfriend” came by and I made a half drink to be social. I say I have reduced my drinking by about 75% for my health and it sounds and feel so much more positive and exciting. Not punishing or victimy (i like to make up words).
Jennifer, I know I have mentioned this to you before… but I think that the “Count” should be how many days you have not ABUSED alcohol and not a SEQUENTIAL countdown that makes you feel like a failure if you decide you will drink some or a lot that day. Count your successful days! Turn the Countdown around into a something more like a bank account that you get to put deposits in and watch it grow! It shouldn’t get cleaned out just because you made one or two withdrawals… or even three or four in a ROW. Focus on the account and how BIG it is and share all the things you are doing to substitute for that vice.
That’s my Vice Advice.
Love your post titles! They just make me laugh even when it seems like I shouldn’t.
ha…..seems that my degree of sobriety is directly propotinal to the distance to Trader Joes….i’m in Vancouver at the moment (300Miles) and not drinking (too much) but next week will be at home in Palm Desert CA (about 3 miles)…ok, so maybe there is a DNA connection as well…..fraser
Oh my dear Jennifer….
Where do I begin with this one?…
Well first of all I can totally relate to having the “drunk gene” that runs rapid on my biological fathers side of the family. I too was warned by my mother my entire life to “be careful” that I didn’t fall into the drunken ways of my relatives. In a way it annoyed the hell outta me because I couldn’t even have a beer or a wine cooler at a family function without mom breathing down my neck about it. But on the other hand I appreciated the fact that she truly was looking out for her little girl.
Thankfully I have never actually been a true alcoholic. Don’t get me wrong I enjoy drinking (does that make me a drunk then?)! But I have never “passed out” or woke up the next morning and wondered what happened the night before (OK maybe that has happened a couple of times when I was younger during the bar hoping days). And to be very honest since having children (especially TWO) I have picked up the hobby of drinking a lot more than I use to. Wine and beer are the hot items on the menu in this household. I always joke around with my husband and tell him that its “cheap medication” in order to justify why we drink so many beers! Its true isn’t it? Besides that its not “as mind altering” as the psych medications they would slam down my throat if I went “seeking help” at one of those over priced therapists. Children….they can cause you to literally lose your f**kin mind!
Speaking of loosing your mind…I lost my father to suicide (I mentioned this in a previous post). The leading cause to this was alcohol. This man was by far the biggest drunk that I have ever encountered. I didn’t live with him growing up. He was actually “not allowed” to see me due to his drinking problem. I finally put my foot down and told my mom that I wanted to meet my father (I was 12 at the time). She warned me that he wasn’t going to be the father I had imagined. But I told her that I “needed” to meet him. This could get into a very lengthy story here so….to make a long story short (and I will share it with you if you are interested in hearing it).. I met him and kept in touch with him regularly. Sure he was a drunk….but he was very kind and loving. Not mean and nasty like some drunks can be. Often he would cry to me and say that “he cant stop”. And as his witness he TRIED. He went into several rehabs and tried many different avenues to get help. So the old saying “one can’t be helped unless they WANT to get help”…I don’t feel that’s 100% accurate. He so wanted to stop drinking. But he simply “couldn’t”. The disease fully consumed the man. At the young age of 48 he decided he could no longer deal with the pain and took his own life. I was 18 at the time. I was so happy that I took the time to get to know him (the real him) before he left us.
I apologize for rambling on and on. After all this is about you, Jennifer, not me. But the reason I explained this to you is to show you that your situation isn’t nearly as severe as you may think it is. Don’t get me wrong a drinking problem at any level is serious. And kudos to you for admitting it. But I think that when the stress level rises its just easier to pour a glass of wine and deal with it. Now if this is a daily occurrence then perhaps you just need to limit yourself (ha..easier said than done). But seriously just use it as a “reward” if you will. Once you accomplish a certain amount of things on your “to do list” then you have earned a nice glass (or bottle) of wine. And only keep a bottle or two in the house (or RV) so that you can’t drink too much. Just a suggestion and obviously I’m the wrong person to even be giving such advice at this point in my life. Once these kids start running around and causing trouble the first thing on my mind is a glass of wine! lol
But on a serious note Jennifer it doesn’t sound like “phase three” on your scale is that severe. And if you personally think you drink too much then you should set limits for yourself. But to just “give up” drinking all together isn’t the answer. I’ve seen too many people go that route and just set themselves up for failure (unless of course it requires an intervention of some sort..that’s much different). So my advice to you is don’t be so hard on yourself! Enjoy those glasses of wine and just limit yourself (one bottle isn’t much…is it?). Perhaps mother does know best?
How about we just discuss this over some wine when you come to New Braunfels, huh? OK so maybe I shouldn’t have responded to this particular post. Oh dear…..
Hey girl,
Im not an alcoholic, nor is anyone in my family. In fact, I can only recall on one hand how many times I have seen either of my parents tipsy.
Having said that, I lived with an ex that was an alcoholic.
He however, did not believe that he was, so he never attempted to control his behavior.
I must say in his defence, he was never physically abusive, however he could be very mentally abusive.
After our son was born, he started with drugs (he met a guy that does alot of dope).
That was pretty much when things ended.
My son was 2.
I firmly believe that alcoholism is a disease. And once is consumes you, it’s hard to say no. It’s an escape for some from life’s troubles, and for others it’s merely the same as having a cigarette.
It can however, in most cases, be beaten. It’s a long struggle, but can be a rewarding one as well.
It’s hard for me though, as Im far too much of a control freak to lose that control over myself, what I say, how I act…. so I haven’t been drunk too many times (also it takes like a week now for me to recover from the hangover!).
I sincerely hope that some of the other readers can give more insight into this, Im only posting because Im supportive.
Hugs from Canada….. it snowed here today!! ack!
Hmm, a glass of wine DOES sound good right about now! lol
My rules:
1. DON’T DRINK ALONE.
2. DON’T DRINK AND DRIVE.
So that pretty much keeps me from getting drunk on a regular basis because everything has to line up *just* right for me to have a few or seven. ;p
Hello Jennifer,
My name is Doug, and I’m a Greatfully Recovering Alcholic! Yeah I know some folks make fun of the saying but I WOULD NOT be alive if I hadn’t quit drinking. It took some doing, detox treatment, AA meetings, support and just plain willingness to survive. Oh I must mention some jail time helped too, 2 DUI’s(no injuries or wrecks) The main thing is is if you “think” you have a drinking problem and from the blog I’d say you do,then you are alcoholic, plain and simple! Seek the help from your local Alcoholic Annonymous, someone there can and will help. If you can’t locate one, write to me directly and I will put you in touch with some folks that are pros. I’ve been sober for 11 years and a cancer survivor for 2, and if cancer didn’t make me want to drink then I believe I have beaten the worse disease(alcoholism) there is for anyone . Take care and One Day At A Time!!
Jennifer,
You’re going to run out of material if you keep up this pace. How about feeding us small bits instead of dropping bombshells?
You write extremely well but I don’t think you need to be sensational with every post.
Give us background, lead us, if you know what I mean, and I think you do.
JC, does this sound like fatherly advice?
John
Dear Joey, I think you are right that I might be taking too perfectionistic of an approach, but I was just feeling a bit frustrated with it on Friday.
Dear Fraser, Ha ha. Thanks for making me laugh. I can relate!!
Dear Angie, Your sharing means SO much to me. It is kind of creepy for me to be talking about this stuff, so it is very comforting when you respond to my story with one of your own. I am so sorry about your father, but do (as always) appreciate your honest insight.
Dear Karyn, You hope others can provide more insight? Your sharing your story is exactly what is most helpful. I think my own control freak issue is why I don’t ever go out and drink…
Dear Jessica, Never drink alone? I’d never drink! Ha ha.
Dear Doug, Thanks so much for sharing that. I think you are hitting the issue on the head…
Dear John, I’ve definitely been aware that my posts this week were getting dark and/or depressive. I think when I don’t feel well I write and/or talk like that.
Dear Jennifer,
I remember making so many deals with myself…”I will only have two” worked really well because I kept buying bigger glasses to drink from. I had a wine glass that looked like a fishbowl with a stem.
Anyway, that was 26 years ago that I had my last drink and I do believe it saved my life. I had not yet lost a lot, except my self esteem. But I had a husband, three sons, a home and a job and friends and I wanted to just be alone and drink by myself. Kind of sad, I think.
With the help of a great friend, AA and some real soul searching I have managed to stay sober for a long time. Life has been incredibly better without the booze. I hope you will try this sober way of life and see how much fun you can have without alcohol or drugs. It will get easier as time passes to live without it.
I would not change much about my life since I stopped drinking.
Wishing you hope and strength and sending a hug.
Linda
The journey of ruthless self-examination is messy sometimes. That’s OK! Just know that we’re out here pulling for you
Dear Linda, Thank you for sharing your experience with me. I probably won’t blog about it (and doubt anyone will read this buried in the comments), but think that is what I am going to do. I know there is a really good group near my house.
Dear Gypsy Soul, I have been thinking about you. Thank you for these words of encouragement. Let’s just keep passing them back and forth, okay? I needed them tonight!
Jen, I just started reading your blog tonight. I got it from Traveler. (sonja) The very first step is recognizing you have a problem. I am sober and have been for 15 years. I love your trip to Alaska. You show a lot of fortitude and determination. I am about to embark on my long awaited rv quest and can only thank the Board of Directors that fired me last month. God is getting my table ready. I am from west Texas and hope to see you out there.
Michael