- Nice to meet you
Anthony Hopkins was at the top of the stairs, staring down at me.
Afraid and confused, I glance to the bulletin boards of Swift Hall, home of the graduate program in religious studies at the University of Chicago.
No longer were there posters for upcoming academic conferences or religious studies news, but strange mathematical equations written on faded yellowing paper.
I glance back up to Dr. Hannibal Lecter and feel faint. Reality is swimming away from me.
A hand from below grabs my arm, whispering, “Excuse me.”
I turn toward an older woman on the stair below.
In her low tones, “They are in the middle of shooting a scene. Can you wait here a minute?”
I remembered. They were filming a movie on campus, but I had been too consumed with my own terror to take an interest.
Gwyneth Paltrow stomped across the top of the stairs and ducked into what I believed was my classroom.
I whisper back, “This is my first day. Do you know where Professor Tanner’s Religious Eros course is being held?” I felt like a fraud about to be exposed and expelled.
She answers, “Right where you’re headed. You just have to wait a few minutes and then you can go in.”
It was a disorienting first day of what had already been a disorienting year.
A few years earlier, I had given up on school. I was still working as a stripper and had dropped out of college after having racked up five semesters of Fs and over $10,000 in delinquent tuition fees.
Now I was at my dream school, the University of Chicago, feeling like a fraud, and waiting for Hannibal the Cannibal to let me enter my first graduate seminar.
I stood on the stairs and waited, still not completely certain if this was the manifestation of my greatest dream or the next act of a nightmarish delusion.
12 Comments
Yes, we get this idea in our heads about how things are going to be or should be and THEN?….yeah… everyday seems like that lesson is never learned fully… at least by me. ha I wonder what your first day of mechanics class is going to be like?
When I read the title of your post today I thought for sure that you were referring to your first day of mechanics class. So at first glance I’m thinking “mechanics class” and “Hannibal”….this can’t be good! Ha Ha.
After reading the full post I get it! And I must say that I think everyone has the “school fright”. I still find myself occasionally having dreams of getting lost in the school halls trying to find my way to class and I’m panicking because I don’t want to be late! This dream takes place in both high school and college settings – and I have been out of both for several years now. Go figure! Its funny how our minds work. So how ironic that your first day of school was literally “on set” of a movie being filmed. That’s enough to make your nervous, first day of school tummy want to vomit all over the staircase. And boy wouldn’t that draw much unwanted attention your way. Ewww.
I hope you aren’t getting nervous about your first day of mechanics class. I can’t lie – I would be! But you will blow them all out of the water with your multi-talented ways! I am woman – hear me roar!!
Angie…I have lost count of the people I have come across in my life that have that same dream. I did for years after I graduated college. Part of that dream was that “they” were asking for my diploma to be returned as “they” had made a mistake and I had not passed one of my classes my senior year….lol!!!
Jennifer, you had me fooled, too…I thought this was going to be about your first day at mechanics class. Very interesting non the less.
Thanks for such a well written post. It was so fun to read with my morning coffee. I especially like the captions under the pictures.
Hey Jen, I don’t see a stripper in that picture!
Is she behind you? Cause all I see is a student
Personally I love Anthony Hopkins, would have totally went out of my way to meet him.
I think it’s the accent, or maybe the characters he plays that always seem in control.
I love a man in control.
Makes me lose control, and that is a hard thing for me to do!!!
Chronic control-freak.
Another reason to sell everything off and live in the RV (the simple life), have to make sure I don’t have an ulcer or heart attack before Im 50.
I think without this escape, I will be due for one.
I wonder who will show up in mechanic school, maybe Brad Pitt?
LOL!!
You know, I actually didn’t think about this post with regard to my new mechanics class!
Thanks for the comments. ; )
Jennifer
Yes, can’t we all relate to the Imposter syndrome fear? Absolutely universal. I think it is often what motivated me toward excellence in my former 22yr hi-tech career. Now I just want to be authentic, warts and all, and have trust in myself. Something I’m learning is just to trust myself that I can handle whatever happens (still working on it LOL). In large families the younger members are often taught to second-guess every idea and decision … with the end result that we lack confidence and are used to constant criticism (so we overcompensate for that with perfectionism). I am also a HUGE Anthony Hopkins fan though movies like that give me nightmares for weeks *smile*. Glad you liked that blog I shared. I find them by googling on searchwords like ‘RV blog solo woman’ … that’s probably how I found yours too
And I also only see a student, and a brave one at that. Mechanics class. Damn, that’s what I need to do. Pretty daunting (yeah, think I’d wear jeans and leave the heels at home). Who you were a few years ago, or even last year or yesterday doesn’t matter except that those experiences helped you become the wonderful person you are now. Live in today. You’re great!
p.s. Here’s a link to another great blog by a couple fulltiming in a Class A … I’ve really learned a lot from it (and got intimidated by all the mechanics, but *ahem* you’re equipping yourself with mechanics school). They drive a Neoplan Spaceliner which has a really cool layout, but the parts are so hard to get it can present real challenges. http://ourodyssey.blogspot.com/
HAHAHAHAHAHA… while I enjoyed reading the post, the second picture with the OMG actually made me laugh out loud. Very nice. You rock.
Dear GypsySoul, I relate so much to what you are saying. Those are great blogs. I search on those terms, but never found hers. It is a great one, as I’m always desperate to find those solo women travelers.
Dear Wade, I’m glad it made you laugh. I dressed so damn conservatively, that it was a joke. I was just sure something I was doing was screaming, “Stripper!” (And I was already contending with my southern accent, which wasn’t taken too seriously…ha ha)
I’ll admit, from first blush, and from the very first few reads of your blog, I really did assume you were a really conservative kind of gal. So you had me fooled at least. ;0)
I probably fool a lot of people with my conservative garb as well… if they only knew. Heh.
Oh yeah, I find that with the southern accent, people will always underestimate me. I have no issues with that. The less expectations I have to live up to, the better off I am.
My dad found my blog last night and asked me whose feelings got hurt over Thanksgiving. I’m glad I didn’t get too crazy with it. *sigh*
Was it the naked girl on my bio page that made you think I was so conservative? Ha ha. No, I know, I get that A LOT.
Sorry to hear about the blog. Have you thought of starting a new (more anonymous) one?