Maybe there is a natural tendency to draw parallels between the disparate things we do in our lives, but, seriously, this blogging thing is so much like psychoanalysis.
I know there is something weirdly circular about talking about my blog in psychoanalysis and then writing about my psychoanalysis on my blog, but, well, it’s my blog, right?
Anyway (you’re not supposed to talk about your analysis, so I am sort of breaking a rule here), one of the things I have been working on in analysis is my difficulty in remaining psychologically centered when I am around other people. That might sound weird, but what I mean is that I tend to totally absorb other people and sort of lose myself. (And, as a result, I isolate a bit too much.)
With my blog, one of the issues I am dealing with (now that people are reading it) is my desire to write about my journey as I am actually experiencing it, versus the sense that I should write a better structured story that would have more appeal to a reader (eg., sound stronger, less anxious, not still struggling with drinking, etc).
I think those are kind of parallel exercises (at least they feel that way to me), and I think I am doing a pretty good job with staying centered while being around you — that is, writing from where I actually am, versus trying to write from where I think I should be.
So, I just want to let you know that, even if I might sound kind of crazy sometimes, my writing about my obsessiveness, feeling anxious, or my drinking to you is actually great progress for me!
***
Countup: 8 days of no drinking! (I counted wrong last time.)
Countdown: 149 days until I move into my RV!
16 Comments
I’m glad this blog is helping you! Please continue to write what comes to mind. We love it!
Jennifer, I appreciate you sharing your struggles, much more riveting than a Polyanna journey. Everyone has them at one time or another, especially when contemplating major life changes. Sharing them honestly takes courage so make sure to give yourself credit for that! And I appreciate your comment about staying centered. My own chameleon tendencies sprang from ‘the disease to please’ … you know, meeting the expectations of others vs. discovering my own path and trusting in it. Women, in particular, have a lot of expectations and judgment placed on them about who/how/what we should think/do/be. We’re supposed to be ‘nice’ all the time for one thing. When we’re living a life others have prescribed for us it can a need to ‘escape’ (hence the wine, or other similar avenues … in fact my friends think that my desire to RV is in this category, and they’re partially correct). For me, part of the gift of aging is to shed my concerns about what others think and to ‘own’ my darker feelings (such as anger), and know that it’s ok and I’m still a good person. I’m just me and you’re just you (I’m OK, You’re OK … and if you’re not, the heck with you, ha!). You don’t sound crazy, just real.
I agree with GypsySoul! Well put!
I’d much rather read a “real” life blog than one that is “sugar coated” and exaggerated (ex: a better structured story that would have more appeal to a reader…blah!).
Thank you Jennifer for sharing your real life stories with us. Although this blog is helping you at this point, you never know whom it may be helping down the road. Sometimes that’s all it takes is for someone to understand that they are not alone out here.
And you are far from crazy! You are very real!
Cartoon? very funny. At first I couldn’t see the hand skeleton and then I thought.. who doesn’t feel someones got their hand up our “blank” and feel like puppets in this culture or world we are DEVELOPING in.
At least Kermit is seeking help or knowledge like you Jennifer. Plus, I am saving so much money (analysis isn’t cheap)by listening, watching and learning from your experiences.
Write, blog, divulge, probe, ponder or even bombshell whatever you want. Your instincts have been good. Your brilliant and brave.
Hope to see you in the mechanics class. ha ha.
I wouldn’t be reading your blog if it was all sunshine and roses and wet puppy noses. Bleech! Give me the whole unstructured typo-filled story, the ugly truth, and the unexpected surprises, because that means you’re human, and real people are far, far more interesting. Keep it up.
Honestly I think you and I live in a parallel life in so many ways. We are both looking forward to something wonderful in our lives, a big change that we hope will help bring us out of our shell.
A blog is anything you want it to be. It can be a personal experience, a journey to somewhere distant, a journey in your mind or your life’s trials and tribulations.
It is what it is. Yours.
I enjoy reading of your life, you are candid and honest. I think that is what drew me to your blog and makes me continue to come back time and again.
Our past is what makes us who we are today. Our future is what makes us anticipate the unknown, and the present is what should make us happy.
We are not sheep, we can choose to take the red pill vs the blue pill. It’s up to us.
Each of us has our own story, and Im sure once you are on the road, your time alone and introspection will help in your journey of ultimate happiness with yourself and those around you.
I hope we can meet at some point, exchange a laugh and swap some great stories.
hugs.
Karyn
Speaking of reality have you calculated your costs of buying RV, driving to the Arctic, insurance, repairs, depreciation, food etc? Not wishful thinking kind of figures but hard facts x 2. Why times 2? Look at how hard it can be to sell a house and the unexpected expenses you have. Owning a vehicle can be much worse. An accident can leave with huge costs & nowhere to live.
Consider if the economy continues to go downhill. Huge vehicles will probably be worth next to nothing.
Thanks for that doom and gloom report “ET”.
If you have been following Jennifers blog for anytime you would know that she has done and continues to do her homework/research! I believe you just insulted her intelligence with that comment!
**These are the types of people out here that I warn you about Jennifer.**
Dear Angie, Three comments from you, today! If you ever go out of town, you’d better email me to let us all know. I’ll be driving to New Braunfels to check on you. Ha ha. Thanks for your comments. ; )
Dear GypsySoul, You sound like you have done a lot of work. Are you in psychoanalysis? ; ) I was actually talking about the joy of aging in my analysis today.
Dear Joey, You have a what up your what? Um, I don’t think that is what we were talking about. Just kidding. I love you. You are too nice to me. You should go to analysis.
Dear Rene, I agree. I’ve noticed that whenever I’ve been in a group and someone says, “You know, I’m all f**ked up right now,” the conversation always gets a lot more interesting (to me, at least..)
Dear Karyn, We truly are on parallel journeys right now. I hope a group of us is able to get together on the road someday. I think we’d all have a lot to talk about. (Well, I’ve talked a lot. I’d look forward to the listening!)
Dear ET, I have more spreadsheets than you could imagine. I struggle with taking action, not with planning for every possibility!
Good job on the 8 days. Take care and keep strong.
I do have to ask tho’ is it really a rule that you are supposed to talk about your analysis? That seems odd to me [never have been in analysis before, what do I know?] but I thought it would help to discuss it.
Anyway, thanks for sharing. Your blog is a very interesting read. I read the whole thing yesterday and really enjoyed it.
**I meant NOT supposed to talk about your analysis. oops.
Dear SkippyMom,
You know, I am not sure I really know why. I think it is because analysis is different from regular therapy. I am in Jungian analysis, which focuses a lot on dreams – but in a more forward, spiritual, and potentially healing way. (Not in the excavating-of-some-horrible-repressed-thing kind of way.)
I think the analysis itself (separated from your regular life) can almost have a dream like quality and if you talk about it, you sort of ruin that feel, or start to normalize it.
I don’t know. I’ll ask my analyst. I’ll tell her SkippyMom wants to know.
Then we can analyze your name. ; )
I like your blog! (Thanks for the kind words about mine.)
Jennifer
“You don’t sound crazy, just real.” Exactly!
I’m with skippy on this one – talk about it all you like – it can’t hurt can it? I talk to strangers about my problems all the time and it seems like all of a sudden I’ll have an “Oh-THAT’S the problem!” moment. Problem solved.
ET might be a killjoy for bringing up the whole reality thing, but seriously Jennifer, DO plan for “shit happens” and then-some and perhaps even more so than that! When we left SD with $2000 thinking it would be more than enough to get us to Florida and still have a bit left to “lounge” on. We felt so comfortable we decided to take the long way and go thru Yellowstone, then down to The grand canyon, make a quick stop in Austin, then hit up New Orleans. But the transfer case went out ($1100) and then the transmission 1/2 way died. That was in Salt Lake City – LUCKILY we had 2 gears (1st and 3rd) to limp home on (at 55mph from SLC), but we were out of money and the lack of an overdrive gear really made our MPG go to shit. We even had to sell Duncan’s kayak!
We lived with Duncan’s parents for two months looking for a job in FL before we landed our current crappy job ($4.50 an hour plus tips). Wahoo full-time RVing is so glamorous!
At least it keeps life interesting 
So yeah, maybe a triple backup would be a good idea. 
Are you planning on getting a small toad or scooter(just incase)?
I like your blog because it covers all the emotional stuff, ours is so factual, I’m debating whether to put this type of stuff on ours too. It makes you feel so…naked? But it’s healthy to put it all out on the table! (at least I think so – but I’m not a quack so don’t take my word for it!)
Congrats on the not-drinking thing, I’m fighting the urge to drink everyday with all the issues we’ve been having which is really hard because now I’m a bartender! d’oh! Now I need a cigarette! lol :p
Thank you for answering me Jennifer. That makes sense.
….as for analyzing my name – heehee
– that is easy – Mom of 6 with a given nickname that stuck because someone once told me that I never lose my sense of humor and I seem to skip through life [literally]. So there you go – I did it for you. lol
You are doing a great job! Thanks again and see you soon.
Dear Jessica, I think going more candid would naturally fit into your existing blog. I mean, you guys already talk about the money stress, the transmission, meaningful books. It does completely freak me out sometimes, though. I still panic about feeling completely over-exposed. Oh, and yes, I plan to tow. I go over that (and all my financial planning!) in tomorrow’s blog…
Dear SkippyMom, Mom of six – wow! Ah, well now I understand the name! I’m still going to ask my analyst about the not-talking thing tomorrow, because you’ve got me wondering. (Maybe I made it up?)
buspirone abuse icy tower 1.33 hacks side effects of welchol hydrogen cyanide gas detector operating guideline desipramine 10mg tab corn starch cooking use risperdal consta injections green tea and caffeine cialis bathtub propylene glycol home heating system apri birth control pill botulism canned bevacizumab in endometrial cancer miralax package insert ion implantation pigeon ivermectin elemental wall card indo row marcaine for tonsillectomy metamucil tablet somatropin dosing colistin drug class spors coricidin ii rhume et grippe ibc trade company delayed reaction to permethrin arnica calendula cream min max inventory replenishment drug antidotes comfrey oil loratadine cause delusions reviews stefan grossman happy traum dungeons and dragons char programs vivelle rebate alprazolam al 1 mg no prescription instant yams fluoxetine symtoms trinessa birth control pills hmg paints marine cari bow cay belize vk durham floridas oyster school nivea mens deodorant pictures of alex haley’s ancestors myco phyto complex opium poppy pods online alicia keys heartburn cardiac cath lab jobs fda complaints hfa albuterol vesta in the 7th house astrology