One of the things I have been struggling with as I try to think about someone that I can give to each day is my tendency to judge the potential recipient’s worthiness or unworthiness of my charity. (Nice of me, huh?)
This occurred to me late one day when I had not yet done my daily gift. I was driving along the road with a crumpled dollar in my hand looking for the (I thought ubiquitous, but now seemingly absent) transient holding a cardboard sign requesting cash.
At a popular corner where I expected to find my one, I was instead approached by a person requesting money for a charity for which I had seen a not-so-flattering expose. Frustrated, I held on to my dollar.
There are several homeless people that frequent a convenience store near my house, so I thought I might give out a dollar over there.
I thought, “Well, they are just going to spend it on alcohol.”
I fretted over this.
Then I remembered that during my twenties, a lot of people gave me money, time, and help that I squandered. Did I deserve that charity? Or do I think those gifts to me were a waste?
Though they may have seemed to be, a residual effect was my realization that, even though I had proven to be irresponsible and wasteful, people were still amazingly kind and generous with me. Years later, that is something I still think about. (More often in the context of my wondering, “How in the fuck did they not just beat my head in?!”)
So, I’ve decided that as part of my gift giving exercise, I don’t have to figure out whether or not each person is deserving or undeserving of my gift.
I don’t mean to belittle this, but in some ways it reminds me of my “I’m really honest because I‘m really lazy” post. It is actually a relief to know that I don’t have to figure it out. Each day for 29 days, I just have to do one thing that is kind – a much easier task for a lazy girl like me.
Maybe I’ll write a book, The Lazy Girl’s Guide to Happiness. Ha ha…
***
Countup: Two weeks of no drinking!
Countdown: 142 days until I move into my RV!
8 Comments
Yes write the book!
I was always *very* leery on donating to any charity (or street beggar) for this very same reason. Where is this money really going? But then I came to the realization that I’m doing the good deed by simply donating (food, money, clothing, etc.) no matter where it goes in the end. I’ve done my part. So you aren’t alone. We all wonder that same thought. So just as you said: “I just have to do one thing that is kind”. That is all – and feel GOOD after you’ve done your part each time!
**Big hugs** in celebration to your two weeks of no drinking!
One of my fatal flaws is being generous. The other is finding good in any situation. I can’t seem to shake either one of those.
True generosity is helping anyone in need. Even if they don’t deserve it. Sometimes those are far more rewarding as well. Weird huh?
The most generous gifts may be non-monetary; a genuine smile and pleasant comment to a store clerk having a rough day, a sympathetic ear for a friend, sharing a meal with someone who’s lonely, encouragement for someone who is discouraged. Kindess Rocks!
I hesitate to bring this up, because it requires a number of assumptions I have no business making. And yet a miscalculation about it could change everything. I thought about just emailing you, but there doesn’t seem to be any way to do that.
The fact is, to get to where you want to go, you have to cross an international border, and be admitted to Canada. Like everyone else, Canadian immigration is all computered up these days. I read not long ago of a couple who were denied admission because she had a DWI in the last 10 years, and another couple because of an assault charge resulting from a domestic dispute in New Jersey further back than that, that the guy claimed had been dismissed. These people had been back and forth across the border numerous times since, and were totally surprised by the sudden prohibition.
Once you are in the computer, there is nothing to do but turn back. You can try groveling before bureaucrats, but that’s always an iffy and unpleasant proposition. Though of course the bureaucrats enjoy it. It is what they live for.
Your talk of AA meetings made me conjecture it was at least possible that something like that might be in your past. If so, there is a chance you will be turned away at the border. There is also a chance you will not. Depends on what the officer had for lunch that day. You are completely at his mercy.
I only bring this up because you should know about it before you get there. Borders are chancy things these days. A little research might be in order. OTOH, it might be just as well simply to wing it.
Certainly there are plenty of reasons to travel, and places to cruise with your RV, without going to the Canadian Arctic.
And of course this may not even be a problem. If so, forgive me for theorizing out of season.
Bob
Oh yeah, and I forgot to mention the giving you do through your blog!
Dear Angie, I thought this might be something you had thought about. Thanks for the congratulations on the not-drinking. I’ll be happier when I think about it less, though (as in, right now)
Dear Wade, Ha ha. I already knew that about you! It took me awhile to come around to that, but it was a relief.
Dear GypsySoul, That is one of the interesting things I am learning from the book and exercise. I thought her gifts seemed kind of small on some days, but now I better understand that she integrates a more sustainable way of giving over the long term. (I think she gives everyday, now.)
Dear Bob, Thanks for that information, because I see that could very easily surprise someone. Fortunately, I usually drink alone and then pass out on my sofa. Ha ha.(Oh, I mean I used too.)
the way i see it, i am doing my part by giving. what the recipient does with my gift is their responsibility. also, there were times in my life when i REALLY NEEDED alcohol. most alcoholics have been there. thankfully those days are over.
Dear Dawn, I actually hadn’t thought of it that way in terms of alcohol, but it makes sense. BTW, can you give me some right now? Just kidding!!! It is evening, though… ; ) This is when I sometimes struggle with it.